


Insecure

by Eliykun (Teakyuun)



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Multi, One Shot, You can take this as a romantic comfort or platonic lol, fear of failure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teakyuun/pseuds/Eliykun
Summary: The fear of failure is a very strong emotion, but the imperfection that comes from failure has no bearings on a person's worth. No one is perfect, that much is certain, and regardless whether we succeed sometimes or not, you are always loved and supported.Tomorrow will always be a new day to try again.





	Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> This Kiran is based on my Summoner OC, Riese, but I always wanted to write this. Forgive me for this long, dumb prose it's been a while since I wrote. This is in the third person, but you can replace Kiran's name with yours and it should be okay.

Kiran was nothing but a civilian prior to being in Askr. It was very sudden when they found themselves at the summoning shrine facing a surprised Commander Anna holding Breidablik in her hand. Since then, they have been wielding Breidablik themselves, summoning heroes and providing strategies as the Order of Heroes’ tactician. Kiran spent many hours pouring over strategy books and ensuring the order is in fine form; that each and every unit is well prepared for when Kiran deploys them in battle.

However, when it came to the actual battle, Kiran found that they were at a loss. They had no real experience in combat let alone a war. Even though they diligently studied and learnt from the heroes with sufficient knowledge on the subject, Kiran’s strategies proved to be a hit or miss when used and it was a struggle for Kiran to organise units and deploy them accordingly as a result. They had no clue whether or not their strategy would work until it did or it didn’t.

Kiran was a civilian, not a tactician. No matter how much they worked to exhaustion for the order, no matter how much they studied to a point Kiran felt like their brain was falling out, none of it could guarantee a victory for Askr. Everyone and their mother could tell how hard Kiran was working for the Order of Heroes. Kiran would summon and train units during the day and then study almost all night long. All the while, no one saw Kiran complain.

If one were to ask one of the heroes about Kiran, they would talk about Kiran’s ridiculously diligent nature. They would also talk about Kiran’s cheerful energy, and despite how serious Kiran seemed, they always had the brightest smile in the entire order. Some would agree their smile rivaled even Sharena. Kiran was always smiling, always laughing no matter what.

That hero would then proceed to talk about the time Commander Anna had asked Alfonse, Sharena, and Kiran to strip their clothing into bathing suits so she could take photos and sell them. Barely a second had passed before Kiran was already stripping their clothing, eager and ready to be in their swimwear. Perhaps then that hero would talk about the time Alfonse’s bunny-self mentioned Kiran wearing a similar outfit, and by sunrise the next day Kiran would be running up to him happily showing Alfonse their new look.

Kiran practically worked harder than anyone in the order. Kiran smiled brighter than anyone in the order. Sometimes some of the heroes would find themselves admiring the positivity that Kiran would bring, despite what happened in the battles they had. Kiran was positive when they won, Kiran was positive when they lost. Kiran would always encourage the other heroes, and in turn, the heroes would support Kiran. It made Kiran very happy to interact with everyone in the order.

Though perhaps it was that kind of image that made Kiran so frustrated. It wasn’t so much of the expectation of others that hurt them, it was the fact that Kiran expected themself to be so, well, perfect. It wasn’t necessarily the kind of perfect that came from just looking and feeling good, but it was the kind of perfection that you try to pursue when you’re so desperately afraid of failure. Kiran couldn’t let anyone see that imperfect side of them. How could they? The pain and anger that came from being so tired after overworking, the kind of frustration that came from studying so hard only to have your tactics fail time and time again, those are the things that Kiran felt were too ugly for anyone to see.

Whenever Askr lost a battle, Kiran would always smile and say things will be better next time. That was a lie. Well, they were sincere in their positivity but their own lack of faith in themself made it seem like Kiran’s confidence was always half-hearted. Maybe that was the case. Kiran wouldn’t know. They would always hide away in some faraway corner, crying and clutching at whatever they could as they desperately pleaded to whoever to make the pain go away. Kiran couldn’t stand watching the Order of Heroes fail, and with good reason.

Kiran loved the Order of Heroes. Even though Kiran came so suddenly, they found themselves supported and cared for. Commander Anna was a figure Kiran could look up to despite her money-grabbing antics. Sharena was always so friendly and cheerful it was infectious. Kiran felt they could easily become good friends with Sharena with the way she acted. Alfonse was a little stiff and aloof at first, but in time it felt like Alfonse was their other half. The way Chrom and Robin were close, so were Kiran and Alfonse. The summoned heroes, oh, how supportive they could be.

Whenever Kiran spent a lot of time training the summoned heroes in the order, helping them with their skills and levels and such, most of the time the heroes would be very kind to Kiran. They would help Kiran with their duties and they would show their support, and often times Kiran found themselves almost overwhelmed with their kindness. Kiran was too soft on them. How could they not fight so hard for the Order of Heroes? They were the reason Kiran cried so hard.

It was another day of failure. Kiran’s tactics failed again. Kiran failed the Order of Heroes again. Kiran failed themself again. Kiran was crying again, off secluded in a faraway corner. Kiran’s chest heaved too heavily for their liking. Kiran’s eyes were too red and too dark from lack of sleep. Kiran couldn’t smile this time. After a while, it was too much. Their shoulders were heavy their legs could not move, Kiran was slumped over in a messy, sobbing crouch by a wall, furiously stifling their pained cries. The failure was suffocating. The fear was clutching them too hard Kiran felt like they would be in that physical position forever.

Kiran couldn’t tell anyone they couldn’t muster the words, but perhaps that was why Kiran found it so surprising when Alfonse poked his head around a corner, only to find Kiran’s small form. Kiran couldn’t do anything but cry when Alfonse rushed over to them in a frantic worry, holding their face in his hands and examining Kiran’s features which looked as if they were being drowned by the neverending tears streaming out of their eyes. Kiran could do nothing but be still, letting Alfonse hold them so tightly, so tenderly as Kiran kept crying.

Kiran wasn’t sure if they felt worse having Alfonse see them like this or if they were relieved he found them when he did. Either way, Kiran found that they hated themself so greatly. Even as Alfonse held Kiran, they continued to cry. The tears did not stop regardless of what Alfonse did, whether he gently rocked Kiran or he ran his hand along Kiran’s back soothingly. After what seemed like a millennium, Kiran finally calmed down somewhat. They still couldn’t talk, however, as Kiran found that their emotion was too great to even utter a sound.

It took some time before Kiran could talk again. Even though Alfonse didn’t force them to talk about how they felt, they quietly resigned themself to telling Alfonse everything to explain why it seemed as if they were suddenly crying out of nowhere. As they told Alfonse their feelings, Kiran felt very afraid. They weren’t sure what Alfonse would think about them afterward. Kiran wasn’t sure if Alfonse would still treat them the same way after seeing that they’re not all they seem to be. Yet even as they mustered the courage to tell him the truth, Alfonse’s expression was very soft. It wasn’t an expression given out of pity. It wasn’t an expression given off by someone who had other things to do. Alfonse was quiet and Kiran could tell he was catching every word they said.

Kiran was ready to hide somewhere for the rest of their life. They were so ashamed that they had to be seen in such a pathetic state, but they were too tired to try and hide it. Kiran felt like dead weight, even though Alfonse was holding them in support. Regardless of what Alfonse was thinking, Kiran appreciated the gentle quietness that came after Kiran eventually lost the will to keep speaking. They closely examined Alfonse’s expression, finding that the prince was deep in thought. It took more time before Alfonse finally spoke to Kiran.

In truth, Alfonse could not provide a solution. How could he? Kiran was the only one capable of wielding Breidablik, and no one knew how to return Kiran to their homeworld. Not yet at least. All Alfonse could provide was a reminder that Kiran was and always will be supported. All the prince could do was remind Kiran that each and every one of the members in the Order of Heroes had a role to play and that each and every one of them, whether commander or royal or not, will always be willing to share the weight of this war upon their shoulders.

Kiran was never and will always never be alone. Alfonse knew that. He knew just how much Kiran tried for the order, and he also knew how stubborn they were no matter how much every one of them would try to get Kiran to rest and rely on them for once. Yet Alfonse knew these sorts of things were not something you could force. Kiran had to eventually learn to rely on them. For now, Alfonse thought, all he could do was continue to support Kiran and maybe little by little he could ease Kiran into a mindset where relying on the rest of them was okay too.

No one felt that Kiran was a failure. No one was perfect after all. Kiran had always been a key player in the Order of Heroes and their presence was so dearly and deeply appreciated. Alfonse felt that it was important for Kiran to know that. He talked and he talked about how special and loved Kiran was, and how precious and irreplaceable Kiran’s presence was to all of them. All the while Alfonse was taking in Kiran’s expression. They were clearly tired, but something about the look in their eyes showed Alfonse that they needed to hear the words he was saying. Taking that as a positive sign, Alfonse went on and on about what the heroes have said and the praises they gave and just how much Kiran held a significance to everyone.

Kiran was crying again, but not out of sorrow. Their tears weren’t as heavy as before and honestly, Kiran felt like a small weight was off their chest. Kiran still had doubts, that much is certain, and Kiran knew that these fearful feelings of their failures would not stop even after this moment. There were no miracles that happened, yet for the first time since coming to Askr, Kiran felt that maybe things they were doing were alright. Kiran felt that nothing was in vain and that perhaps little by little their hard work was leading to something good.

Kiran found that they were clutching onto Alfonse, who in turn held them tightly. Kiran stopped heaving heavy sobs and soon found they were resting their forehead on Alfonse’s shoulder, eyes slowly drifting off from fatigue; lulled by the passionate, encouraging words Alfonse was giving. As Kiran listened to Alfonse as much as they could before falling asleep, the last thought that crossed their mind was that even though they “failed” again today they could maybe try again tomorrow with everyone’s help.

Tomorrow is a new day. Kiran found themself thinking that for once.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first time writing Alfonse or anything Fire Emblem related so I hope it's okay!
> 
> If you've managed to read this long thing, thank you very much! Please feel free to head over to summoner-eliy.tumblr.com if you want to see more from me (FE13 onwards please I'm not that knowledgeable of the entire series yet).
> 
> You can also just come chat that's fine too I'd love to talk more about Fire Emblem ;;v;;/


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